Clown In The Moon
Dylan Thomas

My tears are like the quiet drift
Of petals from some magic rose;
And all my grief flows from the rift
Of unremembered skies and snows.
I think, that if I touched the earth,
It would crumble;
It is so sad and beautiful,
So tremulously like a dream.

Why do I connect with very different people at very different places and times?
I have always been fascinated with the American south; Tennessee Williams is one of my favorite authors, Faulkner is THE best American author.
Last year I read a book about history of slavery, and I have always been disgusted and revolted by the idea that some humans can enslave others.
So, I just couldn�t help not following the trial of Killen who is accused of killing 3 civil rights activists back in 1964.
The whole thing was made into a movie called Mississippi burning, starring whoopi Goldberg (it comes a lot on TV) and I had read about this incident some years ago, but the murders (a gang of Ku Klux Klan) never really went onto a trial and the murderers remained free.
So seeing one of them finally indicted and tried seems more like fictional than real life.
 

James Dean In East of Eden 

East of Eden

So, starting off the summer readings..
i wanted to make ulyssess my summer project this year, but i just happened to pick up east of eden which has been lying on the desk for quite some time now,
the novel is a family saga, that takes place in California between the time of the civil war and the first world war.
its 600 pages, so i will probably read many stuff on the side with it.

I wish i had seen the movie, first of all i LOVE classical movies, and then there is james dean..
i remember once i had a discussion with my father about james dean when i was maybe 11 or 12. it was when i started reading about history of films and from what i read i got the impression that he's such a big shot and that he was such an idol and symbol, but then i learnt that he only made 5 movies, so i asked my father how come he's that famous, and my father told me because it was a time when people needed change, and they had to have some sort of a symbol to that change, dean was good looking, had a new style, and he died early a tragic death, he became that symbol that people were looking for just like elvis became a symbol of rebellion and change... elvis pelvis.. i loved him :)

i miss my father.

very few people know any

20 things people don’t know about me:
1. Virginia Woolf is my favorite author
2. I wanted to be a high energy astrophysicist
3. I am crazy about sixties: music, I love the Beatles, Simon and Garfunkel, the movies, the clothes, the hair
4. I enjoy my own company
5. I have never been in love
6. I can’t stand having someone call me over the phone everyday to ask me “how are you doing” and chat.
7. I hate petty talk
8. I can sit for the rest of my life in front of TV
9. I can’t stand most of my friends.
10. The best presents I got where always what I bought myself and they were always books.
11. I have never had a fight or an argument with anyone in my life.
12. I hate intolerance, I hate when people make comments about religion, color or class.
13. I wanted to live in the English country side, or in the Hebrides
14. I pray since I was 10.
15. I used to call ALL of my classmates during summer vacation to ask them how they were doing, and none of them called back.
16. I can’t enjoy anything anymore.
17. I can’t find any career that I want to pursue.
18. I used to know all world capitals when I was 10
19. I started writing a book about the kings and queens of England when I was 16; I made a full genealogy tree for them.
20. I want to be 12 again

i know i should stop moaning about the past...

Dream Deferred

A Dream Deferred
by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink
like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

the cobwebs

It physically hurts that I cant read or write. I feel so
I just wish I could pack all those past 5 years in one small box and put it under my disk.
Or just flush them down the toilet.
But we are the years, we are what we have become, not what we used to be.
I can’t go on crying for what I used to be and what I am not.
I was killed. Or did I kill myself... I certainly left myself bleeding to death.
I have never been through a fight in my life,
I never stood up for anything, not even for myself.
I can’t still deal with the person I have become.
و تعبت و اتخنقت و قرفت و زهقت مني
خلاص مش عايزاني تاني و لا بقيت فاهمة حاجة و مبقتش قادرة اعيط و
يا لهوي انتوا ازاي يا بشر عايشين من غير عياط

I know I have been in this depression for 3 years.. we ma7dsh 7ases, beyshofeni bad7k and joking about everything. We ma7desh geh zarni min gowa… yaaaaaaaaah none of them knows me, its so hard speaking a different language, and its so hard speaking a language not your own your entire life… I am starting to forget the alphabet.

Ana mot emta..
Why did I leave myself.
And why cant I pick my self again.
Wipe the tears, clean the floor, and remove the cobwebs with a mob.